Shit. It happens. No stopping shit. It's a natural process. Even if you ignore the smell, you'll eventually step in it and have to scrape it off your shoe. No one is immune to shit. Wouldn't life be boring without shit? Nothing would grow, not even weeds.
Sometimes, shit happens that isn't really anyone's fault. This sort of thing always throws my mother into a tizzy, but this entry isn't about my mother. It's about me, and my worldview, and my faith. When shit seems to happen just to piss me off, or cause me misery, through no action or lack of vigilance of my own, I am sometimes tempted to blame my gods. After all, who else is there to blame? The funny thing is, my primary deity is often cast as the scapegoat for things like this. Did Loki do it? Maybe. Maybe not. Who cares? He'll take the blame, or credit. He's a trickster. Make Loki fix it. And He does fix it, usually to the benefit of everyone He's wronged, and everything ends up being as-good-as, or even better-than-new, except Loki, who oft suffers some indignity, which He accepts, because that's Who He is.
I've seen this happen in my life many times; more times than I can count, really.
Shit, I lost my keys ... Well, we needed a new lock anyway. Let's get that taken care of. Oh, look! Brand new keys.
Shit, I got my heart broken... Well, it wasn't a healthy relationship anyway. Let's move on. Oh, look! I learned a lot about myself, and now, I have a fulfilling and stable marriage!
Shit, my husband might have cancer... Well, now is a good time to talk about some hard choices we'd eventually have to deal with as a married couple. Oh, look! He doesn't have cancer after all!
Shit, all those treatments for the not-cancer are going to be expensive, because we have an HSA ... Well, at least our out-of-pocket is covered for the rest of the year. Oh, look! I can finally get an MRI and physical therapy!
Shit, we have bedbugs... again ...
The last time we had bedbugs, the pre-existing infestation was so bad that we were forced to move from the duplex we had just rented at great expense to the entire family. I'm grateful that Matt's parents were able to help us out. That was last November. We moved into a much nicer, newly-renovated duplex in another part of town, and for a while things were much, much better. Because we had to find a place so quickly, though, we didn't realise the neighbourhood we chose was notorious for violence, drugs, and other illegal activity. We decided some time ago that we would look for a better neighbourhood once our lease is up.
Somehow, despite all of our efforts to keep things clean and prevent any more bugs from coming into the house, there is a new nest of the little monsters in the master bedroom. Because we told the landlord about our bug problem when we moved in, the rental company will not pay for the extermination. We are being held accountable, and it's going to be very expensive. Money is already tight as it is. I know that we will get through this, but sometimes, in the thick of something like this, it is really difficult to find a valuable lesson or a hook in the storyline that will make it all worthwhile.
Right now, I am angry. I am frustrated. I feel helpless. And you know, I would not even care if I weren't so horribly allergic to the damn things. They don't affect Matt, and they don't affect the cats. Sometimes, I feel my allergy is the cause of all the expense. I try to arrest that thought immediately so that I don't go into a self-loathing downward spiral. It's not as if I can control what I am and am not allergic to, and in a way, it's good that I'm so sensitive, so that we can take care of this before it becomes a bigger problem.
Regardless, it's going to cost somewhere between one and two grand to get rid of these things, and of course the rental company will do nothing to help. Funny how telling the truth sometimes gets one in a lot more trouble than simply omitting a detail one may be held accountable for later... ahem... thank you, Loki.
Seriously, if you've got bed bugs, and you're looking to move, don't say a word to your landlord. Even if you had bedbugs a year ago, or your friends have bedbugs, or you think you saw a bedbug somewhere, just keep your mouth shut. The damn things are a plague. They're everywhere, and there are hundreds of avenues they can use to invade your home. If your landlord or rental company finds out you brought them in, or even thinks they might have a case against you for bringing them in, the buck passes to you, the tenant.
Anyway. As I said, I am trying to find the silver lining in this squirming, infested cloud, but right now, I can't see it. I know it may sound counterproductive, but I'm trying to stay on the side of "pissed off" rather than "anxious and depressed," because "pissed off" is a hell of a lot more productive.
Grateful. Grateful. Grateful. What am I grateful for today? Well, I'm grateful the lady who came to inspect the house confirmed that there weren't any on my mattress (yet.) I'm grateful the rental company is working with us at least somewhat to get quotes and find the best price. I'm grateful I have an appointment with my therapist this evening. I'm grateful that my back doesn't hurt too much today. I'm grateful that at least my room is clean and in order, because I get depressed when it isn't, and it gets messy when I'm depressed. Still grateful for the rain and thunder and the cooler weather. Still grateful for Matt... always grateful for Matt. He never lets me take shit all by myself.
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