Vanishing twin syndrome. It's a documented medical condition in which one twin is resorbed entirely, sometimes very early in the pregnancy. Various dubious sources suggest that left-handed people are more likely than right-handers to have been twins in the womb. I am sceptical of the theory because it seems, like so many fringey ideas, to have been appropriated by charlatans who prey on people's insecurities in order to make money. One site claims that surviving twins have severe emotional difficulties into adulthood, including gender identity issues and eating disorders. The desired reaction, of course, is for sufferers of these maladies to say, "Oh! This explains EVERYTHING!" and buy the guy's book. Well, fuck that.
But what if it's true? For me, I mean. It's as good an explanation as any, isn't it? Not an explanation for "everything," not some conveniently beyond-my-control tragedy to blame all of my troubles and shortcomings on, but... it at least makes some sort of sense in terms of my inner-child work. And any explanation brings comfort. Can it be proven by science? No, of course not... but then again, neither can any part of my spirituality, and spirituality is an integral part of who I am.
So perhaps this boy-who-never-was really was, and now some part of him still remains with me, though his spirit dwells elsewhere. Of course I was closer to him when I was a child. Young children, I believe, are closer to the spiritual realm when they are born, and our souls get more and more tethered to this world as we grow older.
It's something to think about, to come to terms with and accept. It is not something to dwell on. I have to take care of the little girl. She is the one who hurts. The boy never really knew pain, and is quite beyond it now.
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