A case of the Februaries

I explained a couple of entries ago one of the biggest reasons why I hate February. Aside from the anniversary reaction I described, there is probably something of a seasonal affective component. I have lived most of my life in Ohio, and Ohio Februaries are typically a big bowl of nasty with a side of dirty slush. My usual mood swings are further exacerbated by the ups and downs in the weather. Even though bright sunlight gives me migraines, I find myself craving the warmth of the sun on my back. The cold makes every joint ache and creak.I have learned to love the snow again in late November, December and January, but it's in the drear depths of February that I usually hit my limit. Yep. That's it. I'm done with winter. I want to smell the earth, feel the warm rain on my skin, revel in the rolling thunder of a Spring storm.

Symptoms of the Februaries include:

• Profound and prolonged lack of mental energy
• Consistent underlying anxiety threatening to break through as panic (lasts more than a week)
• Fear of illness that compounds anxiety (probably because I have had the flu this time of year before)
• Sadness with no obvious cause
• Longing for signs of spring and feelings that winter will never end

I know this happens to a lot of people, but on top of the resat of my issues, it makes doing simple things much more challenging. I guess the best way for me to deal with this is to just do my best to keep going and find things to occupy my thoughts. Maybe I can turn that longing for spring into art or poetry, for instance. Maybe I can reassure myself that yes, the Winter will abate, as it always does, and bring Spring into my heart and mind until the weather breaks.

All of this is easy to say, but a lot harder to do. And, of course, in a few months I will be complaining about how the heat, sun and humidity make it nearly impossible for me to leave the house. Then I'll have a case of the Augusts. The Augusts usually aren't quite as bad as the Februaries, though, probably because even if I am avoiding the sun, I still get more sunlight on accident in August than I do in February. 

Vitamin supplements? Exercise? Wait it the fuck out? Meh.