Bad dreams.

Yesterday, I went for my breast reduction consult. Again, assuming my insurance will pay for it, I will be getting the surgery within the next few months. If, and it's a big if... I can quit smoking. So, I downloaded an app that basically makes it a game to see how long you can go without a cigarette. I have about half a pack left, and then I'm done. I can't use any patches or gum because my surgeon wants me to be nicotine-free for three months before I go under the knife. As I've said before, this comes down to how much I hate my breasts vs. how much I love smoking. I love smoking a lot, but I hate my breasts more. I need to get my physical therapy records over to the surgeon ASAP to get the ball rolling with insurance, and I'm hoping for the best. I still haven't heard back from them about TMS for my depression, and it's getting really frustrating, because we've sent the paperwork twice.

This has been a tough week, pain-wise. I think it's the weather, combined with recovering from an Epstein-Barr flare-up. Oh, and I got my period again, and it's only been two weeks since my last one stopped. I guess my body is making up for all the ones it missed from September to February. I've been sleeping a lot, but yesterday, after I went for my consult, I told myself that I was going to stay dressed at least until 5 p.m., which I did, and then some. MY body is so sensitive that it's painful for me to wear a bra, and uncomfortable for me to wear clothes.

I've been sleeping fitfully for the last two nights, experiencing very strange nightmares. I woke up yesterday with a gravelly voice singing, "Hush my darling, don't fear, my darling, the lion FEASTS tonight!" It sounded like it was right in my ear, and it woke me up. Creepy. Then, last night, I dreamt that I fell unconscious, and when I woke up, I had beautiful tattoos all over my body, that moved as if they were living things. Only, they weren't finished, and I had to go to sleep again for them to be done, and everything in the world was trying to prevent me from going back to sleep, including being raped by a stranger who looked like my father one moment and and ex-boyfriend of mine another. I have some ideas as to what the dream means, but I haven't totally unpacked it yet. I guess that's what therapy is for.

Well, this is going to be a short entry, because I have to get my ass moving to my therapy session. I'll write more about the dreams later.