I'll still be seeing her for marital sessions with Matt, but I told her today I felt I'd hit a wall in terms of what she can do for me. I think I made a decent amount of progress with her, but ... well. Now I can vent.
I feel like her methods centered almost entirely around inner child work are good for working through the past, but I really hated it when she applied it to the present. Any time I would present with any negative emotions, she would say, "See, you're in your child now," the connotation being that I was acting immature. She told me that my "real age" was somewhere in my early 20s, and she did not mean that flatteringly. Given the fact that I often feel shame for not having accomplished enough in my adult life, it never went over well. I tried to understand that she was only trying to get me to a place where I could be more functional, but the metaphor itself is triggers for me, and I need a fresh perspective. I felt she relied far too much on the inner child stuff and didn't help me to implement real change in my life.
I may never find another therapist with whom I can talk freely about my spirituality. My spirituality isn't a problem, but it has become a huge part of who I am. I need a therapist who isn't going to assume that I am Christian or want to be Christian (I've run into that before.) I need to find one who is by-the-book enough to employ some discipline into my treatment, but not so rigid as to define me by my diagnoses. It's going to be a difficult path, I'm sure, but I need a fresh start.
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