Midnight-thirty and I have to shit

I am wondering if it's possible I'm already having withdrawal symptoms after taking 1-4 Percocet daily (one at a time) for about three weeks. Is it just the stress and IBS? I don't even know any more. Horrible burning lava poop and a dizzying (but strangely mild) headache. It's been about 24 hours since my last Perco and I only took one yesterday. I slept almost all day today, which does happen. I was feeling more or less okay, and about to go to bed, when the wave of nausea/IBS hit. (I'm typing this from my phone, live from the toilet.) The TMI entry keeps my mind focused enough so that I don't tip into panic, while also provides an accurate record of my symptoms. Like a mad scientist, I am attempting to step outside my own symptoms and simply observe them and their resulting behaviours. Analysis has a way of allaying the subject's anxiety. Most curious, indeed.

Seriously, though, if this is withdrawal of any kind, then I need to just stop taking this stuff and find some other way of dealing with the pain. I do not need an addiction (aside from cigarettes and coffee) to add to the mix of my issues. What if the Percocet has been causing my mood swings, and not the steroids? It doesn't change the fact that the injection did nothing to help my pain and may have made it worse.

Oh, and for extra suck? Matt got a work call. He's on it now. It's 12:20 on Saturday morning. He is not supposed to be getting calls - he was just on-call last week! Grrrrr....fuck.

And I am still feeling deep amounts of shame about money, and dreading our next session with the financial counselor. And I am playing doctor-roulette. And we have a couples session with Michelle in 13 hours. And I have two appointments on Monday. And the way my brain is warping things right now, I feel like every one of those appointments is the equivalent of being called to the principal's office to sort out my "conduct" issues.

Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck..

Well, the Gods will see me through this, and all the other stuff. They will. Always have before. 100% success rate.