Money and guilt

Matt and I have annoyingly synchronistic triggers when it comes to money, and it centres around guilt. I feel guilty when I ask him for money, and he feels guilty when he can't give me everything I want. We have a lot of medical bills, and both of us are very frustrated right now because it seems like Matt is working 50-60 hours per week and we're just scraping by. Mind you, by "just scraping by," I mean that we don't have "extra" for fun stuff. We're still making the rent and all the bills and stuff. But as soon as I want something else, like money to go out, or money to buy new clothes, the answer is usually "no." And it makes us both feel bad -- me for asking, and Matt for not being able to say "yes."

We have talked about a budget. I gave Matt a list of my wants and needs, and he made a list of our finances. It was scary. According to what he showed me, we are constantly in the red. We decided to cancel cable TV and XM Radio. That will free up roughly $100 per month. It isn't much, but it's something.

All I feel is guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt. How dare I ask for anything? I don't work. I don't have the right to ask for things like that.

All Matt feels is guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt. What's wrong with him that he can't provide for his wife?

For me, the feelings are an artefact from having been in destructive, co-dependent relationships. For Matt, I think it's because of how he was raised. Regardless, it's baggage that doesn't have any business weighing us down. We're us. We're not "them."

The practise of talking and listening to each other, taught to us by our therapist, really has helped. At least we understand each others' triggers better. I always feel accomplished after we do our practise and I think that it has helped us avoid at least one argument, possibly several. I feel that we are making slow, but steady progress.