Therapy burnout, and some other stuff

I don't want to go to therapy today.

Don't get me wrong. I really like my therapist, but I have been seeing her an average of once per week for well over a year, and I feel I'm getting burned out. She's also my husband's therapist, and my in-laws' therapist, and the therapist of a friend I had a falling-out with. She maintains perfect professional distance, but after all this time, it's starting to feel a little incestuous. I think I want to continue to see her for marital sessions with Matt, but I'm thinking of finding another practitioner for myself. I feel kind of bad. She's worked really hard with me, and I have made progress, but I've been stagnating. I think a fresh start with someone else might help me. After all, I'm moving on with my life, and my priorities are changing. I hope she understands. I think she will.

So I'm convinced this depression stuff over the last couple of months has been entirely chemical. I'm on three different medications that make me sensitive to sunlight, and oh, look, it's been sunny most of the time. I have no energy to do stuff during the day, and at night, when Matt goes to bed, I tend to just screw around on the computer.

There is hope, though. I have started up physical therapy again, and this helps both the pain and with having a routine. I always feel so accomplished when I finish a workout. I also have a couple of friends who want me to do some work for them. One friend wants me to do some more clerical work for him. I had flaked out on it because of the depression, but he is entirely understanding. We had lunch on Sunday, and I explained to him that I need the work broken down into bite-size chunks, and reminders to get it done. We agreed that's what he'd do for me. The other friend wants me to restore a damaged vintage photo in Photoshop, and I'm really looking forward to working on that. It's been some time since I've gotten to put my artistic skills to good use.

Marcon (a science fiction convention) is coming up in a couple of weeks, and it's a place I always feel at home. It's great to see old friends and make new ones. Then, a couple weeks after that, I get to see my girlfriend for the first time since Christmas. So, I have quite a bit to look forward to. I just need to concentrate on one thing at a time, instead of letting everything get to me.

A few things have happened to upset me in the last few days. My mother adopted a couple of kittens, and they both died. I feel kind of angry, because I'm almost certain I could have saved at least one of them, but I also feel bad for her, because she really tried. She called me last night just as Matt and I had gotten to the pub to watch what would be the final Blue Jackets game of the season. I'm actually surprisingly sad about them being out of the playoffs. I've never gotten quite this emotional over a sports team before. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I associate hockey with Matt, and the time we spend together. It's been quite an emotional roller-coaster, during the playoffs. So much excitement, and then, bam, it's over. Kaput. Am I weird? At least hockey season is ridiculously long, and off-season only lasts until September.

I haven't thought much about theoretical baby as of late. It's like I pulled back into my child mode for a while, but I am starting to come out of it again. Hey, making a human is scary as shit. All the changes that will take place, all the things I will have to change about my lifestyle are intimidating. But I'm not even pregnant, yet, and as I've said before, I'm leaving it in the hands of the gods, and not trying too terribly hard until I find out what's up with my back surgery.

I guess that's it for now.