I'm home!

I'm happy.

Here I am, sitting in a coffee house in Bexley, having taken the bus from my new apartment this afternoon. It was easier to get here than it was to get to my old haunt when I lived downtown. This afternoon, I explored a bit, and got a library card for the Bexley Public Library. The library is gorgeous. I checked out three books of Old Norse poetry- some interesting bedtime reading. This morning, I took a walk around the apartment complex, reveling in the fact that it was quiet and that I didn't see a single police or emergency vehicle the entire time. I walked near the woods and enjoyed the sound of the creek. This morning, I woke in peace. Last night, I slept well.

I'm home.

There is a lot of unpacking to do yet, but I've already got my room (which is spacious and comfortable, with tons of closet space) pretty much how I want it. A trip to IKEA on Sunday provided new end tables, lamps, and a coffee table, so the living room is actually starting to look like a living room, and not just like a place where we drop our stuff when we come in. Matt worked on the kitchen last night. Though small, it has more storage than our old one, and I'm looking forward to cooking in it. The cats seem to have acclimated just fine, despite the chorus of mournful meowing on the way.

I feel accomplished because I really did as much as I was physically able to do during this move. Last year, I had shut down emotionally, and was pretty much useless. I did still feel like hiding under the bed the whole time, but I pushed through it. I'm actually looking forward to the rest of the unpacking. I've already found things I hadn't seen in over a year because of the hasty nature of our last move and the bedbug insanity. It's like Christmas morning. Seriously.

Radar has his own little shelf on top of a bookcase in my room. Next to his box is a Fenton glass cat my mother gave me for my 18th birthday. I might not be on wonderful terms with my mother, but I always loved that figurine, and I hadn't even seen it since before we moved out of Matt's house last October. On the other side is the selenite crystal ball that has a chip in it from when Radar knocked it over once.

My altar is set up, and I already did a simple ritual to bless the house with prosperity, love and a sense of community. The candle I burned was fully consumed, without a trace of wax or wick left, which I always take to be a good sign. I thanked my gods for their help and guidance throughout the ordeal of moving. It was my second thanks to them. My first was before we had even gotten the apartment for sure. You see, I finally took my therapist's advice, and thanked my gods for boons I had not yet received. I still felt a bit odd about it, but because I knew that Matt and I deserved it, and that we had proven ourselves strong and loving throughout adversity, I didn't think it pretentious. I had the floor plan and the info for the apartment folded up on my altar to signify my intent. I feel grateful, satisfied and accomplished that I was able to manifest my needs and desire in this way. I also felt, as I said goodbye to Radar, that my cat would send an extra-potent message to my gods to help us. I have no doubt that he did.

Matt and I are working towards getting over our bad financial choices. I am now aware, via Google calendar, of every due date of every bill. We are paying more attention to how much we spend on what, and I am asking more questions and being more clear and firm about my wants and needs. I still get a little frustrated sometimes when I say that I want something, and Matt thinks that I want it right now. When he reacts that way, I feel like I am being too demanding, and he feels pressured. I need to figure out how to say "hey, I like this thing" without Matt thinking that it's something I can't wait for or can't live without. Another thing we will have to work on, when the time comes, is a budget that takes into account being paid only once per month. Matt is now salaried, which, on one hand, means no overtime pay; on the other hand, it means our finances are suddenly much more predictable.

All in all, it's been a good week. Matt is dealing with the frustrations of the last few days of his old job while looking forward to starting his new, higher-paying, work-from-home position. Happily, he had some vacation days saved up, and because he's still working for the same company, he's going to have all of Christmas week off. We will really be able to relax and have fun for the holidays, and I'm incredibly thankful for that.

I think we've really turned a corner. I think there will be more good things in the coming year. I'm looking forward to it with an open heart and open arms.